you're the only one who have to take your goals seriously- September recap, on writing, loneliness, social media breaks and chat gpt 'glow ups'
If you ask me one thing that I regret doing, is oversharing. I talk too much. From sharing my goals and dreams to the positive things that have happened in life, to complaining way too much about life’s obstacles, my friends seem to know everything about my life.
Is that a bad thing? you ask. No. But I’ve been now a month away from my instagram and TikTok and I’ve noticed that I spend less and less time thinking about others and more and more time thinking about myself.
Social Media Breaks - the lessons
I am someone who I don’t know if I have an undetected ADHD but I can spend hours on end in front of my phone and getting up is a struggle. I always find something to talk about, deep or shallow, it doesn’t matter. If I am connected, I am there. So deleting my TikTok and Instagram was a huge step. What got me to do it was figuring out that I have already spent three whole years online, in the span of the decade. That means that I wasted away 3 whole years scrolling, and as someone who has a weird mouse chase relationship with time, it got me sick.
But I still swap my instagram addiction with X. I mostly go in there to chat with my friends, but those chats get so lengthy that my screen time is still at a 6+ hour ratio daily. And the dangers of X, fighting with people online, are not unknown to me. My goal for October is to completely get away from that app too, so by the end of the year I can happily join the social media free train (if Taylor drops Rep TV by then, you’ve got to send me a message on here).
Today, being Sunday, I went on Instagram mostly because I wanted to order something from a shop, so naturally I scrolled. I didn't feel any joy through that, which on its own account made me happy. But I did realise that a close friend of mine is in town and she hasn’t called, which sent me into a spiral of let’s say not fun emotions.
On loneliness
When people think about loneliness, they probably think of an old lady sitting in her porch with her cats staringly bitterly at people walking on the street. Or maybe that’s what Gilmore Girls taught me.
This month I felt lonely and it’s been years since I have encountered this emotion. I am someone who has spend lots and lots of time alone -and I love to do so- and even when I’ve spend weeks on end by myself, I never felt quite lonely. I was alone, but I was content. This has probably something to do with the fact that being 30 and alone is less cool than being 29 and alone (or 25 and alone) or maybe it’s the fact that I am not alone I just do the things I enjoy mostly by myself. Which is to say that even though I talk regularly to my friends I feel like we’re mostly narrating our lives rather than living them together. This is a necessary evil of growing up. Up to a point, my friends and I had the same memories. We built them at school yards and university classes and night clubs, beaches and airport lounges. Now, we just connect mostly through screens and try to visualise each other’s daily lives without being there to actually live them together. It’s not dramatic or necessarily bad, but there is an element of sadness to it. Which has led me to feeling that I’ve overshared most rather than not. Years ago, birthdays were an excuse for drinks and celebration till mornings, now they slip the mind in an endless sea of to do lists and appointments.
Which lead me to wonder - Am I just being a bad friend with a busy schedule? Am I surrounded by people that are as bad at being a friend than I am?
The answer is more complicated than a simple yes or no, and I am not just saying this as an excuse. Getting together with friends used to be an easy task. All we needed was the okay from our parents to stay out late. Now we need a clear schedule, a clear covid test, a few hours of rest and a plan that has been set at least two weeks ago. Not seeing your friends on the rare occasion of a free Saturday or Friday night is not an act of neglect but most likely an overlap in priorities and busy schedules. And we all wish that life would be less complicated than that.
On writing
If you ask me “how do I write a book?” I would tell you to just sit down, open a new google document (don’t mess with the Word gods I’ve been there, learnt that) and write. But lately I will tell you to give it time.
Give your book/novel/short story/poem time to mature inside of you. Time to sit in your heart and pour over you like a wave that you just couldn’t contain anymore. In September I wrote, except my substack posts, a total of 145 words and those are probably words I will delete later. I took a break. It wasn’t a planned break or a break I am happy I took, in fact there were several occasions when I was staring pathetically at my document and felt it judging me - but it was me judging me because I couldn’t write. So I sat with my inability and read a book instead. The creative well can’t be always full and those who say that it is are either liars or experts and if so, I’d love to have a chat.
when it comes to your writing, don’t take anything personally
This is something I struggle the most with my writing - and my journey as an author. In April I published my first poetry book and to be honest, it’s not doing well. In fact it’s doing so bad that I have frequently dabbled with the idea to just take it off Amazon. Is it a bad book? Well, in my not at all objective opinion, no. I poured my heart and soul into that book. I worked on it relentlessly to the point that I got severely burnt out. I believe it’s the best poetry book I could personally write. And I realized, that because of those personal feelings, I hold resentment for it not doing well. I hold resentment towards my friends who haven’t bought it - even though I know they don’t read poetry- and I maybe hold some resentment towards myself for not promoting it as much as I should. Now you may wonder, if it means so much to you, why don’t you promote it? Well, that’s the thing. Writing it means so much to me. People buying it, doesn’t. Deep down, I don’t really care about the sales. I’d love to wake up one day and see my book on the bestseller list -and who wouldn’t- but selling it, was never the reason I wrote it. And realising that released me from all the resentment I may have been holding. As the title of the book says, Some things shatter, some things bloom and when it comes to being a writer, your ego will and has to shatter many times before your own writing blooms.
September Recap and chat gpt glow ups
Recently, a friend of mine talked to me about human design. It’s a lot of information and not something I am convinced I believe in (I am an astrology gal through and through) but I played with it and I had chat gpt explain the main concepts of it to me. And through that I realized something amazing about AI. Amongst the horrible things we can make it do for us (for example, write a book), we can make it help us build the routines and life we want. Chat gpt now has memory, so if you tell it to remember something, it will remind you how often you want it to.
I love lists, and I love planning and I love setting goals for myself. But I often lose myself on those lists and I become too obsessed over those goals that I think of them more often than I work on them. So I used chat gpt on my advantage this month. Here’s how:
Tell everything you have to do, everything you need to do and everything you want to do. Add details and timetables because AI doesn’t have the critical analysis to organise those things for you unless you order it to. Then ask it to align your commitments with your wants.
You can use it for so many things; daily routines, weekly routines, journaling prompts and motivation. Ask the chat for “affirmations” or for “tough love”. It’s like a “non judging” pal that will tell you the truth about what you spend your life on, whether you like it or not. Just be careful. Chat gpt can’t give you advice, in most cases it repeats your own words so only use it to reflect on the things you made choices on. Everything in moderation and with a critical eye, especially AI.
I mainly use it to help me organise my days and keep track of my goals and it made a huge difference in my day. I made sure to ask it to be positive instead of using “comparable” language.
Why: Because in a world where everybody wants to find motivation and guidance on how to glow up, do better and be better, I thoroughly believe the answers are inside of each and every one of us, not in some influencers (I am sure well constructed and well intended) content.
September Recap
According to chat gpt I have accomplished 68% of my goals this month. I shared this with a friend, and she said it makes her anxious to think about life that way. For me, it works the opposite way. It gives me a sense of relief to remember that I have made strides forward, otherwise I would obsess over all the things that didn’t get done this month and file it away as a waste of time.
This month I’ve spent conscious time by myself, finding rest to what is a busy season - fellow teachers unite. I’ve been gentle with myself over my routines and even though spending most weekends at home sleeping might sound sad or a waste, it’s what I needed in this phase of life.
On top of that I’ve spent time consuming media that make me feel good, whether that is cozy books or shows and I was mindful with the time I’ve spend with family.
In October I really want to invest more of my time moving my body and limit the time I spent on my phone. October is one of my favorite months so I tend to set the expectations high, but in reality I mostly want to be present and experience the change in seasons which I very much anticipate (yes, it’s still hot in Greece!). As I wrote in my last post, romanticising my life is the only road to sanity, and what better month to do that than October?
October is also the month when my favorite people have birthdays (my parents), and I want to spend more time celebrating them.
Things that I loved in September
The book Encyclopaedia of Faeries. It’s not my favorite book of all time (I gave it 3 stars on Goodreads) but as a recovering Acotar fan (I am anticipating Acotar 6 more than Rep TV) it did what it had to do to fill the (cozy) void.
The show Lost. I will never shut up about this but Lost is one of the best shows made. If you haven’t watched it, thank me later (I am also on season 3, I can’t vouch for the whole of it, so don’t come for me).
Gilmore Girls. Who am I kidding, this show is on rotation 365 days for 15 years straight now, but oh well.
Habit stacking; I learnt this in atomic habits and it’s probably meant to be done differently, but I love stationary biking while watching a show. I am not a gym person so this makes me feel less intimidated by exercise.
Hazelnut French press coffee and banana cinnamon oatmeal. Enough said.
The Sleepy Bookshelf Podcast that puts me right into bed.
playlists curated by friends <3
Spotify’s daylist. Most of the time it’s brutally honest, but it always hits the spot.
The book 101 Essays to Change the Way you Think. I’ve been reading this book for almost two years now, because each day I am called to a different chapter and I love not seeing it as a book to put into my to do list.
A not-complaining-deal. This is probably no1 on the list because it’s something I did in the beginning of the month with my best friend, but to be honest I didn’t even looked back on to it until now. I told her that this week I will try not to complain (you know those 2+ minutes voice notes that you talk about everyone who ever did you wrong to your best friend and vice versa) and I realized that without trying, I did stop complaining. In fact, my voice notes were mostly about positive things rather than complains and it surprised me in a good way. (That’s not to say that you should shy away from talking about the real issues with your friends - on the contrary. It helps you highlight what the real issues are, instead of just spending time dwelling on a bad hair day).
The Artist’s Date. I started reading this book two weeks ago, and even though I am really bad at the habit of journaling daily, I do spend some time in the day reflecting and it made all the difference.
Engaging in real life ‘small talk’ with strangers around you. I went to a cafe the other day, and a nice old man started a conversation with me about his previous job. I didn’t say much except nod and smile to him and we briefly discussed the quality of the coffee, but it was a small moment that made my day. Plus, there was a really nice barista working there who despite messing our order twice, we exchanged a few jokes about luck and the number 13 and it made all the difference, I hope, in both of our days. It’s so easy to get annoyed when someone spills your coffee or gets your order wrong. But it’s way more meaningful and humane, to make a joke out of it and brighten someone’s day- and your own- instead of putting them down.
You are the only one who has to take your goals seriously
No one really cares if you skip a workout, a meal, or if your screen time is through the roof. No one will fix it, or comment on it, unless you bring it to light. No one cares about the book you didn’t write or the career you didn’t pursue. You’re the only one who can put your life on track or throw it off the rails. Truly, no one cares. Even those who do. So get serious about your goals, but don’t take life that seriously. We’re nothing but specks of dust momentarily present. Enjoy the falling leaves knowing you’re nothing but one of them.
It feels out of the blue to mention Dame Maggie Smith on here, but I will because this actress meant too much for me. Her passing saddened me, as everyone, but it made me remember that everything good in life will eventually end, your comforts will start tasting bitter when they’re mixed with nostalgia and eventually nothing will really matter.
But that doesn’t mean that I can’t go on living my day the way I have to for 16 years; In a way that would make Minerva Mcgonagall proud.
P.S. If you’re in the Harry Potter fandom, or just really nosy, you may have noticed articles about the Harry Potter “curse”. Let me know if you hate that kind of ‘journalism’ as much as I do, because they not only mock and 'milk’ the passing of great people but they also create unnecessary anxiety and triggers to people who might struggle with the fear of death or are just, well susceptible to negative media. I can talk for ages about this but it’s out of topic, so I’m putting it as a footnote on recent events.
Last but not least, thank you for being here. Whether it’s paid or free. I appreciate every single one of you and I’d love to connect and hear about your month. Do you do a recap on September and if so, how was your month? And what are your dreams and plans for October?
xx
Eva